How to Support an Anxious Child with ADHD

As parents, we want to do everything we can to help our children thrive. But when your child has both ADHD and anxiety, it can feel like you're constantly walking a tightrope trying to balance it all. You probably find yourself juggling outbursts, constant worries, sleepless nights, and calls from school—all while trying to hold it together yourself. If that sounds familiar, know this: you're not alone, and there are real, compassionate ways to support your child, and yourself, through each phase of life.

Understanding ADHD and Its Impact on Children

ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention, impulsivity, and self-regulation. In my opinion, the name is a pretty inaccurate description of what ADHD actually is. For example, it’s referred to as “Attention-Deficit” when in fact many individuals with ADHD have an amazing ability to sustain their attention, but typically only on things that are highly interesting or stimulating. A better description for the condition would be an “attention-regulation difference” as the real issue for many kids with ADHD is not a lack of attention, but a difficulty in their capacity to regulate their attention on what needs focus at a given time. Kids with ADHD often struggle with things like sitting still, staying focused, or following through on instructions—tasks that might seem simple for other kids their age, but because of a high need for stimulation or an internal focus on lots of different things at the same time, may be difficult for a child with ADHD.

Now, add anxiety into the mix. Anxiety can show up as excessive worrying, fear of making mistakes, or even physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches. And here's the tricky part—ADHD and anxiety often feed off each other. Your child might worry about forgetting something important or getting themselves in trouble, and that worry actually makes it even harder for them to focus, which then fuels more anxiety. It can become a tough cycle for both your child and you as the parent.

Supporting an Anxious Child with ADHD Through Life's Stages

The needs of a child with ADHD and anxiety will shift as they grow, and our support has to shift, too. What works in preschool won’t always work in middle school, and the strategies we lean on during their teenage years will look different from those in early childhood. As parents, it's about staying flexible, staying curious, and being willing to adapt our approach as they face new challenges and milestones.

Support in Early Childhood

In these early years, routine is everything! Predictable schedules and clear transitions can help reduce the overwhelm. For kids struggling with both anxiety and ADHD, not knowing what’s coming next can feel like standing in the middle of a loud, crowded room with no exit. It’s confusing and overwhelming.

What might help is using simple, visual schedules at home. If your child knows that “after breakfast comes playtime, then cleanup, then a walk,” then they may feel a sense of safety in the structure. And let’s be real—most of us parents love a good planner, so why wouldn’t our kids? Even if a kid does not prefer a specific portions of a routine, over time, the predictability of it being consistent and followed through on can actually help them cope with the difficulty of those activities.

Support During Elementary and Middle School

This is when academic and social challenges start to become more visible. Kids may feel embarrassed for needing extra help or frustrated for falling behind. As parents, we can help by normalizing their experience. You might want to say something like, “Some kids wear glasses to help them see better—your brain just works differently, and we’re here to support it.”

This is also a good time to connect with a therapist at who has experience working with ADHD. Therapists can give your child the proper tools like deep breathing, mindfulness, and cognitive restructuring—skills that build confidence and reduce reactivity due to the frustration. Importantly, a crucial part of working with kids is supporting parents as well. As part of your child’s therapy, you will receive your own feedback and self-exploration to help identify areas to shift in order to best support your child. 

Support For Teen Years and Beyond

Let’s be honest—the teenage years are tough enough without ADHD and anxiety. The pressures are higher, independence is growing, hormones have an influence, and emotions run deep. The shift from being more dependent on parents to naturally wanting more independence and autonomy can be a difficult transition for teens and parents alike. During these years, keep communication with your teen open and nonjudgmental. Let your teen know it’s okay to ask for help, to take breaks, and to not have it all figured out.

What Else Can You Do at Home?

Creating a supportive home environment is one of the most powerful things we can do as parents.

• Model calm behavior – Our kids absorb our energy and model after it. If we meet their chaos with chaos, it only escalates. That doesn’t mean being perfect—it means taking deep breaths, pausing before reacting, and showing them what it looks like to self-regulate.

• Reinforce strengths, not just behaviors – Rather than focusing on what needs “fixing,” highlight your child’s creativity, sense of humor, or empathy. These are the gifts that will carry them far.

• Focus on the way you communicate–Many kids with ADHD get the message that there is something “wrong” with them because of how often they are reprimanded or corrected. Make sure you are intentional on whether or not something needs correction, and when you do want to address a behavior, stay intentional on communicating in a way that is encouraging and supportive.

And the most important thing? Validate their feelings. Sometimes all they need to hear is, “I see how hard this is for you. And I’m here.” Giving them the verbal and emotional reassurance that they are not alone can make a huge difference while they navigate life’s challenges.

Collaborating with Your Child’s School

We all know that the school environment plays a major role in your child’s well-being. Collaborating with your child’s teachers and support staff is essential. Schedule regular check-ins and advocate for IEPs or 504 Plans that include both academic accommodations and emotional support.

Don’t be afraid to bring in an anxiety therapist or ADHD specialist to join the conversation. It takes a village, and your child’s teachers are part of that village. 

Caring for the Caregiver

Now let’s talk about something we often push to the bottom of the list: us. Parenting a child with ADHD and anxiety takes emotional bandwidth. If we don’t recharge, we burn out.

Self-care isn’t just spa days and bubble baths—though those are lovely. It’s also setting boundaries like saying no when we need to, asking for help, or going to therapy ourselves, if that’s what helps us process and cope. Remember, we can’t pour from an empty cup, so when we take care of ourselves, we model resilience and self-respect for our kids.

Long-Term Perspectives: Playing the Long Game

If you think about it, raising a child with ADHD and anxiety is less about "fixing" and more about building—building skills, confidence, self-awareness, and compassion. It’s about equipping them with the tools they’ll need not just to survive, but to thrive in a world that often doesn’t understand how they operate. Yes, there will be setbacks. But every challenge is also an opportunity to grow closer, to learn, and to celebrate resilience.

At the end of the day, your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present, consistent, and loving. And with the right support, your child can lead a life full of purpose and joy. 

Written by,

Dr. John Danial

Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Clinical Director of Simi Psychological Group 

Contact us today or call (805) 842-1994 to learn more about our services, including anxiety and ADHD therapy, as well as group therapy. At Simi Psychological Group, we’re here to help you and your child navigate life’s challenges and create real change.